"You can give someone a fish – and feed them for a day. Or you can teach them how to fish – and give them strength for life." A quote about leadership, parenting, and writing.

Giving Someone a Fish – or Teaching Them How to Fish

“You can give someone a fish – and feed them for a day.

Or you can teach them how to fish – and give them strength for life.”

A quote about leadership, parenting and authorship.

“You can give them a fish, and they will be full today.

Or you can teach them how to fish, and they will be fed for the rest of their lives.”

I heard this quote in a podcast while driving to Branäs. The roads were wrapped in winter, the landscape quiet, and I sat there with a Nocco in my hand while mile after mile made space for thoughts to catch up with me.

And those words stayed.

Not as a new idea, really,

but as a formulation of something I was already carrying within me.

Sometimes you hear something that doesn’t change your direction, but suddenly puts words to the path you’re already walking.

That’s exactly what this felt like.

There’s something about simple metaphors that makes them timeless.

Easy to understand – but harder to live by.

Because it takes patience not to give the answer right away.

Courage to let someone else struggle through.

And trust that growth is happening – even when it’s slower than you could have done it yourself.

Leadership: Not Taking the Monkey

As a manager, I work with a coaching leadership style. In practice, that often means choosing not to “take the monkey.”

When someone comes to you with a problem, the fastest solution is to take over. Solve it. Deliver the answer.

The monkey jumps from their shoulder to yours.

Clear. Efficient. Done.

But short-term.

Instead, I try to stay in the question. Ask follow-ups. Let them think another round. Try on their own.

And here lies a personal challenge for me as well.

With my ADHD, my mind often runs ahead. I see patterns quickly, hear where the reasoning is going, and many times I know what someone is about to say before they’ve said it.

The urge to fill in the sentence, close the loop, deliver the solution… is strong.

Almost physical.

But that’s exactly why it becomes even more important to hold back.

To create space.

To let them arrive at the answer themselves – even when I can already see it.

Because it’s not my answer that needs to grow.

It’s theirs.

And when I heard the quote, it struck me how perfectly it described how I already strive to work.

Not by giving the fish.

But by teaching the fishing.

For me, leadership isn’t about collecting points for yourself.

It’s about seeing how many people grow around you.

When those around you dare more, think bigger and stand steadier – that’s when you’ve succeeded.

Not because you were the best in the room.

But because you made others feel they belonged there too.

A true leader helps others grow.

Not someone who needs to prove how capable they are, or who sees others as rivals.

Like in a competition. Even if you don’t win, you should be able to feel joy for the one who does.

That takes a big heart. ❤️

The Importance of Making Mistakes

Another belief I carry within this philosophy is the view of mistakes.

Doing something wrong isn’t failure.

It’s part of learning.

You have to try. Test. Stumble. Work it out. Understand why it turned out the way it did.

That’s how experience is built. And even more importantly: self-trust.

I try to remind both myself and others that missteps are not signs of weakness.

They’re proof that you dared to try.

No one learns to walk without falling.

And no one builds self-confidence without first doubting it.

I believe it’s more dangerous to be afraid of doing wrong than to actually do wrong.

Because fear blocks development.

While mistakes drive it forward.

Parenting: The Balance of Letting Go

This philosophy follows me home too – but that’s where it can be hardest to live out fully.

My children also have diagnoses. And the balance becomes even more complex, especially with my son who has autism.

The instinct to step in, structure, prevent and solve things before they become overwhelming… it’s strong.

You want to protect. Ease the path. Clear the way. And in many situations, you have to – because of the challenges your child carries.

But at the same time, I know why it’s important not to do everything.

You have to choose your moments. Do some things. Support where support is truly needed. But also practice letting go in other areas.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that love isn’t always about making life as easy as possible.

Sometimes love is about preparing someone for life beyond your arms.

Giving them tools – not only protection.

Because the goal is for them to become independent adults. With their own thinking. With belief in their own ability.

Letting them grow and learn for themselves will help them become strong individuals one day.

When Words Land – and Live On

The beautiful thing about the quote wasn’t that it taught me something new.

It put words to how I already live and work.

And I’ve noticed it didn’t stay with me alone.

I’ve shared it with a few others, and every time the response has been the same:

an aha-moment, where the words truly resonate.

Because it’s such a simple piece of wisdom to carry with you – yet powerful if you actually live by it.

Something to return to in everyday life.

In conversations.

In decisions.

Am I giving the fish right now?

Or am I building capability for the future?

Authorship: The Spaces Where Readers Grow

The same thought lives in my writing.

As an author, I don’t want to serve everything finished. I don’t want to explain every emotion until nothing is left to discover.

I want to leave space.

Places where the reader can step in. Feel. Interpret. Grow.

Because the strongest stories aren’t the ones that tell you everything.

They’re the ones that leave traces of silence between the lines – where readers place their own footprints.

Here too, it’s about teaching someone to fish.

I’m not only giving the story.

I’m giving the tools to feel it, step into it and create a world of their own.

When People Are Allowed to Grow

Because this is what happens when you lead, parent or create this way:

People grow around you.

They become stronger.

More secure.

More confident in themselves.

And that is incredibly powerful to witness.

And If I Choose for Myself

If I turn the perspective inward, I know what I prefer too.

I don’t want someone giving me the fish every day.

Sure, it feeds me in the moment.

But I want to learn how. Understand. Master. Grow through what I face.

Because the feeling of pulling the fish out of the water yourself…

That feeds something deeper.

Not just your hunger.

But your self-confidence.

That said.

Teach those around you to fish, and don't accept the monkey.